Do you ever get splashed by waves of despair?
Like a tsunami of grief coming towards the foundation of resilience that you've built?
Maybe it comes and goes as easily as a swift wind or maybe it lingers around like a quiet storm.
Drowning out joy or hope.
There are times where I feel like I'm misplaced in the environment I've found myself surrounded by.
Alone in the crowded room with dated carpet and cheaply made expensive mahogany furniture.
No matter how many places I go, I always come back here. back home in a place I've never fully
loosened my boots that are holding me up and my dignity down.
In this moment where my personal clouds are forming causing redness in the plains of my eyes when I'm staring at the brink of water spilling down the groves of my cheeks... where do I go?
First. I'll write.
Finding my voice in a way that is most natural.
Then I'll breathe. I might even saunter for a moment under the warmth of the sun.
Ground myself in knowing the life I yearn for is within reach--and reason.
Try to convince myself that I can believe in my own creativity and talent.
Even though this moment, this place proves the opposite.
I see the artists that inspire me. The free ones who where funky colors and spend money to feel as
beautiful as their imagination believes.
The free ones who see rules as guidelines for how to counteract.
Who unafraid, show up for the vision in their hearts and decide for themselves what is most valued.
After spending some time in California I realized yet again that it is time for me to refocus.
Let go of the truth that there is a force that controls the rain...
I learn to love it's presence
and splash in muddy puddles.
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