I guess it's because this feeling is so familiar...
As soon as I relax into hopefulness, I am reminded how unlikely it is for me to be truly seen and kept in the care of anyone other than me.
But it's so fun.
To hope to feel jiggly inside a the prospect of unveiling myself as I yank off welded pieces of this mask soldered onto my thick skin.
Now my skin is bare. The wounds didn't have enough time to air out. The grafts could heal any quicker than I snapped shut back into the shell that keeps my soul protected.
I'm dizzy. warped. because I should have seen this coming. I should have known that there is no peace in my weary wandering world. No embrace waiting on my arrival. No one searching my name for old messages or LinkedIn updates looking for a glimpse into my life.
Fading into the darkness of the smallness inside of me. I retreat into my own chilly paradise with artificial light sources and dampening cheeks, tears on a stroll toward the ground where I lay my head. Maybe I'm not alone. but I am ghostly sliding through walls without a trace of gloom or glee...
This is just how it's meant to be. fun and done
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