Starry Nights

 Have you ever felt the need to know what someone else is thinking? 

Specifically, what they think about you. 

What would you do with that information? 

If you could hear what people say about you when you weren't around... 

do you think, perhaps, you would alter your behavior? 

If you could see how you were perceived, would you stop and think before acting? 

For me, the answer for all of these questions is yes. capital YES. 

and I'm doing a lot of work to shift that resounding yes into a hushed indifference. 

I wish I could turn a blind eye to the knowledge that people will have an opinion of me that does not match my reality. 

They don't know what motivates me, they don't know what my deepest desires are. 

They can't help me get to where I want to go internally.

They don't really know me--I'm still trying to figure me out. 

I suppose that's what I am spending my time doing in life. 

Experimenting. 

I hopes of locating joy and peace and love. 

But often, there comes the distraction of voices--perceived and made known of what I should be doing, or what is best for a situation like mine or even doubts about my agency or decision making process. 

Instead of seeing those things for what they are... projections. 

I have a tendency to hold it as truth.  I believe that the perceiver is the one who holds the truth to the way things actually are. 

But Einstein told us.. He told us those many years ago, how perception can shift based on a number of factors... 

While time and space mean less to me as a layman than experience and goals, we are all in different places in the universe going at various speeds towards different destinations. 

I know in my heart that I trust in who I am and why I decide things in my life. I know it, but I am learning to be confident and trust in it through faith through stillness and through reflection.

I am made of the same stardust as the majesties in the universe the stars that burn millions of miles away; I am breathing the same molecules as our foremothers whole paved the ground for this foundation in which I stand. 

I am a soul experiencing the magic of life just as my neighbors have the opportunity to. Letting go of shame that mistakes try to hold onto and knowing that the lessons are currency exchange for the wisdom that I am gaining. 

I am earning my wisdom no longer do I want to perform perfection; I want my life to be chiseled into shape with intuition and freedom and love and faith and confidence. 

That will be my masterpiece.